January 27, 2006
January 26, 2006
Happy Oz Day
Today is the 26th of January, the national day of the best darn country in the world.
Australia.
Too, right mate.
Make sure you celebrate in the tradtional way - by getting hammered.
Cheers!
January 25, 2006
Moving Day
I'm currently in the process of moving, so blogging will be light until February.
January 16, 2006
Best Fan Remake Eva...
If you are an old-skool Ultima Fan (of the original, single-player series, not the online version), then, if you haven't already, you should check out the excellent remake of Ultima V: Warriors of Destiny.
Here.
There's a Ultima 6 remake on the way....but it won't be out till February.
What a large gear stick you have, Mr Driver.
From news.com.au:
MELBOURNE'S train temptress has struck again.
However police and rail officials have met to plan an end to her saucy crime spree.
The woman broke into a cabin on a peak-hour Frankston train on Tuesday night and broadcast X-rated praise of the driver to stunned commuters.
The husky-voiced intruder is believed to be the serial seductress behind a similar break-in and announcement on the Sandringham line last week.
The trespasser evaded capture by authorities on both occasions.
As her break-in broadcasts become more frequent, longer and more detailed, pressure is building for Connex to catch the profane prankster before more commuters are subject to her sexy speeches.
"There was a woman on the address system. It was very graphic about how she was going to have sex with a driver for about three minutes," said Angela, a passenger on the Frankston-bound train.
"I thought she was in cahoots with the driver."
She couldn't pull that in Sydney's rail system. The poor gal would be waiting for hours on the platform for the damn train to turn up....
In related news...
Abu Hamza: John Travolta A Threat To Young Women
According to the London Telegraph, Hamza stomped all over the actor's sexy stepping, claiming exposure to Travolta's flicks would corrupt female minds and lead them astray from Islamic principles.
"This brother he's a mujahid [freedom fighter] and she looks at him and says, 'Oh look, his forehead is black, probably he's praying'. She likes John Travolta, who is dancing and moving his stomach as quick as the – as I don't know what – and she likes that because if he was wearing the proper dress which has been imposed on him by Muslims, she wouldn't even think about him," Hamza said in a taped address.
Is it just me, or is he implying Travolta should be covered in a burqa, or something?
Hmmm.....might have its benefits...
Behold: Old, Infidel-style Travolta
Then, New, Halal Travolta:
No girl will ever look at him again, we promise, Mr Hamza!
(via Ace of Spades)
Rules for Eating, Rules for Shitting.
Tim Blair links to a Sunday Times column about Western converts to Islam, including this howler:
"People say they want freedom, they want liberty,” he said. “But the bottom line is people want to know what they can and can’t do. They want rules, they want guidelines, something to believe in, something to follow.
Yeah...
So did these guys, these guys and these guys.
Yeah. Freedom and Liberty suck! Give me some Middle-Eastern deity micro-managing my life anyday!
"In Islam, there’s a rule for absolutely everything – how I eat my food, how I go to the toilet, how I get married, how I lend money."
Yes, I'm sure omnipotent, omniscient beings have nothing better to do than to tell you how to void your bowel contents in the proper way.
So...um...good luck with that, mate.
(Mind you, the Bible also contains shitting rules, so why the need for the conversion?)
And then we get the obligitary Godwin's reference for good measure:
He said Muslims should not be lumped with extremists because that was as stupid as saying that because Hitler was a Christian, all Christians were genocidal maniacs.
Newsflash: Hitler and the Nazis weren't Christians - they were into a weird mystical Nordic revival religious thingy.
Here's Hitler on Xtianity:
"Christianity is the prototype of Bolshevism: the mobilisation by the Jew of the masses of slaves with the object of undermining society." —Hitler 1941
"The Führer is deeply religious, though completely anti-Christian; he views Christianity as a symptom of decay. Rightly so. It is a branch of the Jewish race."—Joseph Goebbels, in his diary, December 28, 1939.
So...not a lot of Jesus love there.... (Well, he was Jewish, after all)...
They also believed the Bible had been edited so much it was no longer the true word of God, while the Koran had not changed.
BULLSHIT.
The Satanic Verses anyone? You know, Salman Rushdie brought attention to them?
The whole article seems to ooze of stuff bordering on "cultish" behaviour (but some might say the same of Hillsong, I guess.)
So...whatever...I guess if this stuff makes people happy, then go for it. As long as you are only restricting your own freedom. I think it sounds like a load of old codswallop but then....what do I know?
But I find more to admire in this group of freethinkers, myself.
January 13, 2006
Worst. Job. Eva.
Wiping this guy's arse.
[Hamza] is unable to clean himself as he could do himself an injury. So prison officials have hired a male nurse named Harry to perform the task.
A prison source said: "He's known as 'Dirty Harry'. This guy has got one of the worst jobs in the world. His main reason for being there is to clean Hamza's backside. Everyone's having a laugh about it. But Hamza can't be left unclean. It would be a health hazard."
Hamza is being held in top-security Belmarsh jail, in South East London, as the US attempts to extradite him on terror charges.
The nurse - recruited from a private agency - spends up to two hours a day with him.
His other duties include helping the 47-year-old cleric to wash, cut his toenails, clip his beard and change his clothes.
Although employed mainly to look after Hamza, "Harry" performs similar duties for another inmate who lost his limbs.
Couldn't they just put a roll of toilet paper on the hook, or something?
(via Ace of Spades)
Bleh! I vant to suck your blood!
The cheeeldrin of ze niiight are voootin!
MINNEAPOLIS voters, who eight years ago elected a former professional wrestler as their governor, may find a self-proclaimed vampire on the ballot for the office this year.
"Politics is a cut-throat business," said Jonathan "The Impaler" Sharkey, who said he plans to announce his bid for governor on the ticket of the Vampyres, Witches and Pagans Party.
Like Jesse "The Body" Ventura, who was elected governor as an independent in 1998, the 41-year-old Sharkey once was a wrestler, although he spent his time "The Unholiest of Kings: Tarantula" on obscure professional circuits.
"I'm a Satanist who doesn't hate Jesus," Sharkey said. "I just hate God the Father."
Don't we all...
However, he claims to respect all religions and if elected, will post "everything from the Ten Commandments to the Wicca Reed" in government buildings.
Sharkey also pledged to execute convicted murders and child molesters personally by impaling them on a wooden pole outside the state capitol.
Sounds like a nice, comfy centrist.
Another Reason to watch Top Gear
Jeremy Clarkson - even cooler than previously thought.
(hat-tip: A Western Heart)
Why God is a Bastard, Part 39876
345 killed in a pilgrimage stampede in Mecca.
AT least 345 Muslim pilgrims were crushed to death overnight during a stoning ritual on the last day of the hajj, the worst tragedy to beset the sacred ritual in more than a decade.
Then we get this pile of baloney from Keysar Trad:
Islamic Friendship Association founder Keysar Trad says pilgrims consider it an honour to die during the hajj.
"You always feel sad at the loss of a loved one but in this particular instance there's a major consolation," he said.
"And that's the fact that it's happened during the pilgrimage that people feel that this person's going to go straight into heaven and that God's being kind to them by taking them in such a holy place."
No, you goose. God being kind to someone would involve NOT letting them die painfully after being crushed by the feet of their co-religionists.
The only place they're going "straight to" is the morgue.
Iranians - Your Tax Rials at work
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad keeps getting nuttier and nuttier:
Iran’s hard-line President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad said Thursday evening that the Islamic Republic’s 1979 Islamic revolution was a great movement and a stepping stone to a final “great event” in the world.
Speaking to a crowd in the southern city of Roudan, Hormozgan province, Ahmadinejad said, “The Islamic Republic is the continuation of the path of the prophets which came to begin a great movement and the final occurrence”.
To those who don't get what he's talking about, he's speaking of the "imminent" return of the Twelth Shia Imam. Shias believe that, even though this guy was born 868 AD, he's actually still alive and will return and...
...well, some shit will happen, that's for sure.
I hate to break it to you guys, but, as much as 1200 year old Arabs excite me, he's not coming back.
(Sunnis, for the record, think the guy never existed).
Still, Ahmadinejad is right in that a "great event" may occur - unfortunately for the Mullahocracy, it's more likely to involve Israel and a bombing run.
Hey....all part of Allah's plan.
(From Ace of Spades )
January 12, 2006
Birthday Boy
Today is my birthday.
I'm 24... (Jessica Simpson voice) which is almost 25, which is ALMOST mid-twenties!(/Jessica Simpson voice)
January 11, 2006
Hole in the Sheet - Works Every Time
AN Egyptian cleric's controversial fatwa claiming that nudity during sexual intercourse invalidates a marriage has uncovered a rift among Islamic scholars.
According to the religious edict issued by Rashad Hassan Khalil, a former dean of Al-Azhar University's faculty of Sharia (or Islamic law), "being completely naked during the act of coitus annuls the marriage".
Meanwhile Mr Khalil's wife is out screwing every young stud from Cairo to Alexandria.
January 09, 2006
At last! Dateless teenage boys will have something to do.
Malaysia lifts 15-year snooker ban.
Did Allah really take time out to outlaw Pool? He's more of a micro-manager than I previously believed...
Dave wuz robbed!
Apparently Bjork is the world's most eccentric "star".
David Icke was third.
Yes, that's right, Mr "The World is controlled by shape-shifting blood sucking alien lizards" was only the third most eccentric person in the world.
The. Hell.
Lemme tell you a story
EvilPundit recounts the tale of David "Mushtaq Omar" Heidelberg, attempted lefty troll at Tim Blair's place.
Tim Blair himself has posted six crazy months of the best quotes of 2005.
January 05, 2006
Back in the Game
I'm back!
And the New Year is here! Wooooo!
Welcome 2006!
2005? Good riddance!
New Year's resolutions - same as last year.
To bring the entire world under the control of my iron fis....uh...benevolent rule.
Either that or, buy new shoes.
I sure need them.