Alea iacta est

What would we do without surveys?

Alcohol 'just part of being Australian'

Almost 50 per cent of people believe getting drunk occasionally is part of being Australian, a survey suggests.

The other 50 per cent were dead.

Of course, no report like this is complete without hearing from the resident wowsers:

"That people really do believe that is just awful," he said. "We're always going on about how could young people be like they are and we're worried about binge drinking among teenagers."

Man, you sound angry.

Here.

Have a drink.

You'll feel better.

Sicko of the Week

Man 'fantasised about eating girls'

Enough for a few beers

Everybody needs good neighbours...

I'd drink too...

Cute Kids

Hey, I guess all Nazis aren't big fat dudes in silly army outfits:

"Duo Considered the Olsen Twins of the White Nationalist Movement"

With the eating disorders as well?

Known as "Prussian Blue" — a nod to their German heritage and bright blue eyes — the girls from Bakersfield, Calif., have been performing songs about white nationalism before all-white crowds since they were nine.

"We're proud of being white, we want to keep being white," said Lynx. "We want our people to stay white … we don't want to just be, you know, a big muddle. We just want to preserve our race."

You know...... the idea of "Race" is such a silly concept that the sooner it dies a well-deserved death, the better, and we can get back to treating people as, you know, individuals, rather than weird, amorphous hive-minds.

(Hattip Silentrunning)

CAT BLOGGING XIV

Top Cat sure was gay, wasn't he?

Plus, he's not wearing pants.

Pervert.

Home Movies

Friends don't let Friends do this.

In any case, they at least try not to film it.

A US truck driver, who filmed a friend having sex with a stallion in an act that killed him, has been charged with trespassing on a ranch used by bestialists.

Paul Tait will be the only person charged in connection with the death of his friend, who died of massive internal injuries after being sodomised by the horse at a stud farm near the north-western US city of Seattle in July, police said.

This is an update on this little event, presumably.

....Unless there's more than one horse fucker in the state of Washington.

Get the Electric Chair Warmed Up...

...It's Saddam's Big Day.

If anyone has any reason why these two should not be joined...

Malaysia.

Great for Weddings.

An idyllic wedding planned by two Brazilians on a Malaysian island ended in a violent brawl after a member of Malaysia's royal family led a group of rowdy gate-crashers to the nuptials, police have said.

"Later on these four guys came again with sticks and some stones and started to attack these tourists at the party and then they started to threaten these tourists," said the source.

Hey, I nearly lost the Civil War

George MacClellan You scored 55 Wisdom, 73 Tactics, 38 Guts, and 35 Ruthlessness!

Like General McClellan, you're smart enough to know what tactical decisions to make. However, the problem with McClellan is that he could never sprout the balls to act on his information, and in the end, that's why Geoge McClellan is only a sidenote in the history books. After graduating from West Point, he served with distinction in the Mexican War and later worked on various engineering projects, notably on the survey (1853-54) for a Northern Pacific RR route across the Cascade Range. Resigning from the army in 1857, he was a railroad official until the outbreak of the Civil War. In May, 1861, McClellan was made commander of the Dept. of the Ohio and a major general in the regular army. He cleared the western part of Virginia of Confederates (June-July, 1861) and consequently, after the Union defeat in the first battle of Bull Run, was given command of the troops in and around Washington. In November he became general in chief. The administration, reflecting public opinion, pressed for an early offensive, but McClellan insisted on adequate training and equipment for his army. In Mar., 1862, he was relieved of his supreme command, but he retained command of the Army of the Potomac, with which in Apr., 1862, he initiated the Peninsular campaign . The collapse of this campaign after the Seven Days battles was charged by many to his overcaution. In Aug., 1862, most of McClellan's troops were reassigned to the Army of Virginia under John Pope . After Pope's defeat at the second battle of Bull Run, McClellan again reorganized the Union forces, and in the Antietam campaign he checked Robert E. Lee's first invasion of the North. He was slow, however, to follow Lee across the Potomac and in Nov., 1862, was removed from his command.

At least I wasn't Ambrose Burnside.

In other Crushings of Dissent

CafePress - where some Che parodies are more equal than others...

(Said blog has also been added to the blogroll).

The Deep North

Here's one of the silliest ideas to come out of Queensland for quite some time. (And that's saying something).

Queensland Premier Peter Beattie yesterday backed away from a controversial plan to charge a "relocation tax" on interstate arrivals.

Mr Beattie sparked outrage by suggesting new residents be charged for the costs that rapid interstate migration is imposing on Queensland's health system.

Jeysus

...Beattie....Joh....Bob Katter...Pauline Hanson...Barnaby Joyce...

....is it something in the water up there?

RIP

No sex could kill you.

Oh, shit. I'm dead.

Why they picked Potato Head

So why did we end up with a blonde Bond?

Craig is not an obvious choice. Although possessed of a smouldering screen presence and piercing blue eyes, his nickname "Mr Potato Head" suggests that he lacks the clean good looks of his five predecessors as James Bond: Sean Connery, George Lazenby, Roger Moore, Timothy Dalton and Brosnan.

As you can see, the resemblance is uncanny.

According to a leaked memo from Eon Productions, owner of the Bond franchise and inherited by Broccoli's daughter Barbara: "Eric Bana was deemed not handsome enough. Hugh Jackman was too fey, Colin Farrell too sleazy and Ewan McGregor too short."

Ouch for Eric Bana.

Oh, and...

Fey? Yeah, he's basically Michael Jackson.

Now this is spam!

It seems spam is getting more and more esoteric. I'm now getting messages like this:

The instalare leaders six the hedge-hyssop aside, swell'd the Zoloft

Eh?

The Thankfulness of cialis is an lega-tees-expectant in simple Winsen of the Common-folks-education justiceship of concentration joined to the practice of contemplation predestined by Richard of Eston Persist...

Wha-?

..Amphisseans and the online pharmacy of Wisconsin and Minnesota sortir prosceed on its bisecting to the under-shepherd city which stands in the insensiby of orange online pharmacy and messenger's the online pharmacy of the magnolia. I rose-red straggling one of them myself only promisd gesith when we wanted to get some new cross-lines for our Brunsdon. He smithy summon'd prisoner and knew no more of the day's theorisers.

THE HELL?

Blue Cigars All Round

It's a boy for Mary.

I told you that "Girls rule, OK?" legislation was going to be a waste of time.

Let's get Biblical

New stories at the Brick Testament.

(Including perhaps the most disgusting story in all of the Bible, that of the Levite and his Concubine which concludes with the words Take note! Consider it! Discuss it!'...uh...no thanks..)

Well, that's cleared that up

Some people really want to know why people are always getting blown up in Bali.

Luckily, now we've got an answer.

"Alcohol, bikinis, that kind of thing makes Muslims angry. Don’t do that when visiting a country with a Muslim majority,” he said. “I’m sorry, Australian culture makes war on morality. They come to Bali with bikinis, they make war on morality. Not physical war, morality war. Respect the culture and religion of Indonesia."

Alcohol, bikinis.

Check.

I'm of a fine pedigree, too

What Common Breed of Dog Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

I'm really scraping the bottom of the barrell with these quizzes now, aren't I?

And now, for good news

The last two posts are a bit of a downer (and an angry one and that), so I'm going to finish today with some good news.

A chimpanzee in a Chinese zoo has successfully kicked a 16-year smoking habit after becoming hooked when two spouses died and her daughter left.
State press said Ai Ai, a 27-year-old chimp at the Qinling Safari Park in northern China's Shaanxi province, ended her tobacco dependency when zoo keepers put her on a strict regime that included walking, music therapy and exercise sessions.

According to the Xinhua news agency report, Ai Ai became a smoker in 1989, shortly after her first spouse died.

She started demanding more and more cigarettes after her second spouse died in 1997 and her daughter departed to another zoo, it said.

The report did not say why zookeepers started giving the animal cigarettes, or whether they faced punishment.

Obviously she never saw the ads.

UPDATE: I have just been informed that Ai Ai means either "Love Love" or "Short Short". Must have been named by a someone with a stutter.

UPDATE II: I have now been informed that the Chinese repeat a syllable of someone's name twice to indicate affection. Well, there goes that joke...

UPDATE III: I have been informed that the joke was lame. And now I've been called Dan-Dan.

Why Indeed.

In the wake of the new attacks on Bali, we get the usual "reasons" trotted out (ie Iraq, Afghanistan, Bush, Palestine, Global Warming, Sexual Dysfunction) and of course the old stinker:

"We must ask, Why do they hate us?"

(No one made excuses for Eric Robert Rudolph, though...)

It's always particularly amusing, since some people will latch on to one reason (ie Iraq) but always ignore others (Afghanistan, East Timor), mainly because it enables them to fashion a suitable ideological club.

One such man is Robert Fisk, who as Tim Blair notes, after a long tirade on Muslim oppression from as far back as 1917, gets caught out with this:

TONY JONES: In one of his rambling justifications for these kind of terrorist acts, Osama bin Laden pointed the finger and said Australians were targeted in Bali because they intervened in East Timor.

ROBERT FISK: Yes. I think the East Timor thing is a lie by Osama bin Laden—I don’t think that’s what it is about.

No good reason is ever given why it is a lie, of course, except for the convenient fact that it fits Fisk's own ideology. (ie if only we hadn't invaded Iraq we'd all be safe!!!). I've noted before this strange phenomena of Western sophisticates projecting their own disagreements about Western foreign policy on terrorists but it's quite strange to see it up close.

It's creepy, really, that Bin Laden can froth on and on about East Timor, Crusaders in the Holy Land, the "tragedy" of Andalusia and all manner of lunacy, and there never fails to be someone who will "helpfully" translate it to mean:

"Of course it is all because of Iraq....no other reason....Don't listen to what he says, listen to what I say!"

In a far better article, Christopher Hitchens says, "Why ask Why?"

Don't hurt their feelings, OK?

As the world continues it's slide in bizarre Swiftian (or perhaps even Orwellian) parody, you nearly have to shake your head at what you start to see around you:

Like these two articles, the first of which has a Town Council banning, amongst other displays,

"a tissue box featuring Winnie the Pooh and Piglet"

Guess why.

Go on, I bet you can't...

Oh, so offensive! Cartoon piglets.

It's a little odd that Jews (who have similar restrictions against imbiding in pig-related products) can own film production houses that show films about pig characters, yet those poor, benighted Muslims in the UK can't even bear to look at a frigging cartoon porcine.

Note to self: Eat nothing but ham for lunch at work from now on.

Then there's this little gem:

British prison officers who wore a St. George’s Cross tie-pin have been ticked off by the jails watchdog over concerns about the symbol’s racist connotations.

"A lot of Muslims and Arabs view the Crusades as a bloody episode in our history,” he told CNN. “They see those campaigns as Christendom launching a brutal holy war against Islam.”

If there's one thing I have more than humourless fuckwits, it's humourless fuckwits who haven't the first fucking clue when it comes to history.

Here's a little primer, on events and the order in which they happened.

1. The Roman Empire becomes Christian.


2. Islam arises in Mecca and Medina.


3. Muslims conquer Mesopotamia, Egypt, Palestine, Syria and Anatolia.


4. At the request of the beleaguered Eastern Roman Empire, The Crusades begin.

Now are we clear on just who is and isn't the aggressor in this situation? (To be fair, one might argue both were...but that just reinforces my point).

See? If you've got such a fucking blind spot that you want to whinge about the Crusades without acknowledging the events that led to them then perhaps it might be better if you just keep your mouth shut.

Who's the Imperialist power here?

Here's a hint: Purple.

Oh, and we haven't even reached the "punchline", so to speak.

Doyle added that it was now time for England to find a new flag and a patron saint who is “not associated with our bloody past and one we can all identify with."

Good idea!

But you, know, to seal the deal, we need a sort of compromise.

I propose Muslims, and majority Islamic states give up the following:

The Crescent - after all, it is a reminder of the bloody massacres perpetuated by Muslim countries - such as Turkey and its Armenian Genocide and the bloody war of aggression the Turks perpetrated against the Eastern Roman Empire and European nation-states. We wouldn't want any reminders of any "bloody episodes of history", now would we?

Mosques - Many of them seem to be based on this defaced Eastern Orthodox cathedral. We don't want any reminders of bloody episodes of history, do we?

Allah - Don't know him personally, but everytime I hear his name I somehow (don't ask why) connect him to this guy, who's fond of invoking said deity's blessings. Now, none of us want to be reminded of bloody episodes in history, so I suggest Muslims find a new name for God that we can all identify with.

Head coverings Unless men are going to wear them too, I find them offensive to my sense of gender equity. They remind me of the millenia women have been second class citizens. Bloody history? Most likely.

Ridiculous?

Certainly.

Maybe everyone should just shut the fuck up and maybe, just maybe, if you don't want to live in a country that has a cross as its national flag...

...then don't move there.

As for me, I'm all for sensitivity. Here's my costume for the next fancy dress party:

Frankly, I haven't decided which one yet...

But regardless...

FREE OUTREMER!!!

(via Daily Ablution and Tim Blair).

Smegging Hell

Holly You scored a Dwarfing 52!

You had an IQ of 6000, but due to computer senility you would now struggle to out-wit a banana. You are very honourable to your fellow Dwarfers, but like to play an occasional prank from time-to-time. You also do a damn fine moon impression!