June 30, 2005
'Ow's the weather
After a bad drought in his own country, God always overdoes it with the precipitation.
Luckily, this guy is well-prepared for the inevitable wait.
Update: What an odd day to announce this.
Don't forget to lick the bowl...
Yum, Yum.
Diners are queueing for hours to eat at a restaurant where meals such as curry and chocolate ice cream are served in toilet bowls
The Martun, or toilet in Chinese, restaurant in the southern port city of Kaohsiung boasts lengthy queues on weekends as diners wait for a toilet seat in its brightly coloured tile interior.
It's my fault, I'm sorry
Contributed to a developer's guide at work today. The practical result is that from now on when newbie programmers do the wrong thing, it will be my fault.
WooHOO!
June 29, 2005
Everything you wanted to know about stem cells, but were afraid to find out.
Presenting Four Science Fellows who "answer the fearsome riddles of the cosmos".
Terrorists exposed!
INDIAN forest guards fighting timber thieves in the eastern state of Jharkhand are being frightened off by women who start stripping and yelling for help when their male accomplices are arrested, media reports said.
Weird enough, you say. Unfortunately, News Ltd realises it has no picture to go with the article, so selects this one:
Bwahahahah...something tells me the women involved don't really match the picture we're getting.
(But she looks so clean!)
The article continues, anyway.
But the guards are not stumped - they are planning to recruit women guards to deal with the problem.
No mention whether a mud wrestling pool might be involved.
Not so nice after all...
Wow, I never thought I'd see the day wheen supporters of the Greens would favour a harsher immigration system than the government:
I guess this is the message they're trying to get across?
(from Chief Bastard who definately did not organise the rigging of this hilariously slanted "poll")
June 28, 2005
SNAFU
Yeah, the comments seem to be fucking up, apparently.
Blame spammers with their apparent desire to sell me cheap viagra and teenage hotties and their refusal to take "Fuck off!" for an answer.
Rejected by an algorithm
It's the old story.
Man meets girl, man falls in love with girl, girl turns out to be automatic customer service bot.
Intrigued, I had a chat with her myself.
I decided to put it all on the table, right at the start:
I said: I really want to make sweet love to you.
She said: Please take a look at Swedish Sweets.
Kinky.
June 27, 2005
Finally, Science Makes Itself Useful
We've all been hanging out for this.
The best thing? No more picking up of their shit.
Angry Nut
He just keeps getting loonier and loonier:
ACTOR Tom Cruise has added to a growing reputation for eccentricity after a heated row on US television over his support for Scientology.
Cruise, 42 - whose new film, War of the Worlds, had its premiere in London last week - rounded on Matt Lauer, the genial host of NBC's Today program, when the subject of their interview turned to the controversial group and the prospect of fiancee Katie Holmes, 26, being converted.
"Scientology is something you don't understand," declared Cruise. "It is a religion. Because it's dealing with the spirit - you as a spiritual being."
Bwahahahahahaaha....Oh, sorry, that was cruel.
The interview became more combative when he was asked about a recent public reprimand he gave to actor Brooke Shields for taking antidepressants rather than vitamins to deal with her postnatal depression.
Founded by science fiction writer L. Ron Hubbard in the 1950s, Scientology - which claims more than 8 million members worldwide - teaches that psychiatry is "Nazi science" (Alert! Alert! Godwin's Law!) and that its medicines are all about mind control. When Lauer said many people had been helped by such drugs, Cruise dropped his famous smile and declared: "You are glib. You don't know the history of psychiatry. I do."
Tom's definately had experience in psychiatry, I'll give him that.
Well, he does need it, after all.
PS: Look at him getting all feisty:
Truly terrifying.
Like a poodle humping the leg of a Siberian Tiger.
UPDATE: Here's why Scientologists hate Psychiatry
UPDATE II: Here's Tom killing Oprah, Sidious style.
Heh.
If you haven't already seen this, do so now.
Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers! Developers!
Jesus!
Seller cleans up with 'Shower Jesus'
A man from the United States has sold for $Au2,600 on eBay a water-stained piece of plaster from his bathroom wall that bears an uncanny resemblance to the image of Jesus Christ, its purchaser said.
An Internet casino known for making such purchases said it bought the piece of plaster bearing the reputed image of Jesus from a Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania man.
It said the image appeared to Jeffrey Rigo, 30, as he stepped out of the shower on June 11, prompting him to cut the plaster piece from his wall and put it up for bid on the auction portal under the name "Shower Jesus".
Meanwhile, the Blithering Bunny examines the "extent to which the US has become a theocracy" (ie, not at all).
Ingrate!
Remind me never to get kidnapped and then expect any sympathy from the Age.
The hell?
Glenn Milne writes a truly bizarre and pointless column on the fact that Downer introduced Howard at a function rather than Costello. Oooh! No!
The Media really loves the "leadership tensions" doesn't it? To everyone else it seems to be a rather tiresome beat-up.
As Chief Bastard says: It reads like a group of school kids whining to each other behind the bike shed.
I mean, get over it!
June 26, 2005
The Brits know how to Party
Bonking, brawls and booze for Brits
Over one third of Britons surveyed reckoned holidays were all about hedonistic behaviour.
Of those, 75 per cent were looking forward to excessive drinking, 28 per cent craved a one-night-stand, eight per cent were drug-crazed and five per cent were on the look-out for a good fight.
I like the expression "Eight per cent were drug-crazed". What, when taking the actual survey?
Now that's dedication.
Cel-Perated
I love the photo they use to announce the breakdown of Warney's marriage.
Tee hee.
Try this if you don't get it.
Faux-pas ahoy!
GOLD Coast Indian takeaway Handi Ghandi has changed its logo after a fiery response from the family of iconic Indian independence leader Mahatma Gandhi.
His great-grandson Tushar was outraged that the Gandhi name had been used to sell curries, even though it had been misspelled.
This week, the Southport business changed its logo from a drawing of Gandhi holding an American-style Chinese takeaway box to a caricature of a more generic Indian man.
"As no offence was ever intended and to show respect to the Gandhi family and foundation, our company has decided to alter its corporate logo," the Handi Ghandi website said.
The alteration came after The Sunday Mail last week reported Tushar Gandhi's disgust with the use of his great-grandfather's name to sell takeaway food.
Come on, can't have been all that bad.
Mr Gandhi described the act as offensive, saying it went against all the renowned vegetarian's beliefs.
Whoops!
Especially offensive was the sale of beef curries by Handi Ghandi, as beef is considered sacred to Hindus.
Double Whoops!
But he was so worried by the business's use of the name that he had even been pleading with the Indian Government to get it to take up the matter with the Australian Government.
Look I can see how this can offend people of Indian descent. But I've seen worse.
For example: Near me there is a Chinese food place called "Chairman Mao's". I hope I'm not the only one who finds it a little distasteful to name a restaurant after a guy who was responsible for over 20 million deaths.
What's next? "Josef Stalin's Goulash"? "Uncle Adolf's Bratwurst?"
(Additionally speaking of faux pas - this one really worries me - "Eating with your left hand. Throughout most of the Middle East the left hand is reserved for bodily hygiene. Thus, the right hand should be used for eating." What, you can't wash it?)
The Other White (or Red) Meat
JAPAN has introduced an education program into primary and secondary schools to teach students to eat whale meat.
Almost 60,000 whale meals were served at 280 schools during the program's first three months in the Wakayama province, south-west Japan.
The program has proved so successful, education chiefs are considering making it national.
"We'd love to expand to all over Japan because it's part of Japanese food culture," said education board spokesman Tetsuji Sawada.
" We want to tell our children, 'this is part of your culture', and we want to protect it."
Heh. If it's cultural, I guess we have no cause to complain...
Naga principal Makoto Taniwaki has enthusiastically taken up the education board whale lunch program because: "I want my students to know the (cultural) value of whale meat".
Many of his students had never eaten whale meat until its inclusion on the school menu.
Fried whale has proved the most popular so far, but schools are also serving whale schnitzel, whale meat on spaghetti, whale meatball soup, sweet and sour whale and whale hamburger.
Hell, put it in a meat pie, and now you're talking!
Inside the Naga school cafeteria, Yuri, 17, trying whale for the second time in her life, notes "it tastes like chicken".
"My parents were really surprised when I told them we could order a whale meal at school and my mother wants me to tell her what it tastes like," she said.
The education board believes whale meat is a healthy choice for growing bodies.
"It's a good source of protein, it's low in calories, has less fat than other meats and less cholesterol," Mr Sawada said
Well, who can argue with that?
I'm on a roll
Check out my mad NRL tippin' skills for this round:
Rorters vs. Eels
My prediction: Eels by 13+
Actual Result: Rorters by 4
Cowboys vs. Faiders
My prediction: Cowboys by 13+
Result: Faiders by 1
Kniggets vs. Penrith
My prediction: Panthers by 1-12
Result: Kniggets by 4
Bunnies vs. Storm
My prediction: Storm by 1-12
Result: Storm by 42 (!)
UPDATE:
Fuck, I'm still on a roll:
Ponies vs. Sheep-Fuckers
My prediction: Ponies by 13+
Result: Sheep-Fuckers by 12
June 25, 2005
Slowly but surely
After about ten more hours of sleep, I think I'm slowly recovering. Now I can eat again, and am able to talk.
Of course, I currently sound like Dr Claw or a character from the Godfather, but, hey, better that than nothing.
In the meantime here's an article from the SMH saying that mixed-race people are attractive, and to ensure less ugly people in future, you should seek out partners of differing backgrounds to your own.
'Op to it!
PS: I've always hated the term Eurasian, as it's fairly meaningless and sounds daft.
June 24, 2005
Feelin' a bit shit
Light blogging will follow as I am currently feeling very ill. There's like a phlegmy cough and everything.
Just in time for the weekend!
:(
June 23, 2005
I need new friends, obviously
Why an attractive friend is the ultimate accessory.
(Ps, I love the "Have your Say" section, which includes the incredibly humble quote from an "Anson"
Usually girls have to hang out with ME to get into clubs. I don't understand what you guys are on about. Although I am ruggedly handsome, that shouldn't matter should it? OWWWW)
Anderson Quits
Deputy PM John Anderson, described by the media as the Brad Pitt of Australian politics (I guess that means something like starring in crappy movies), has stepped down, intending to retire.
Good luck in the future, and all that...my one question concerns the "photo gallery" we can see at the news.com.au site.
Here's the caption in question:
Photogenic ... Never having had his eyes set on the Prime Minister's office, Mr Anderson was free to put himself in some positions other politicians could never dare.
Here's the pic:
I don't get it. Walking next to a sign for Hannibal is putting yourself in "positions other politicans could never dare"??
My guess is they had to quickly fudge up a photo gallery, and couldn't think of a damn caption.
Eating Animals is Fun
A JAPANESE fast food chain says it will sell 200 whale burgers a day to meet strong demand amid global criticism of the country's bid to expand whaling..
Burger chain Lucky Pierrot, which runs 10 shops in the northern island of Hokkaido, said the burger using minke whales caught under Japan's controversial research whaling program was selling like hotcakes.
"We fry minke whale meat and the burger really tastes like beef," manager Miku Oh said.
"We have decided to add a whale burger to our menu due to strong demand from our customers, and feel very thankful to the whales for allowing us to make the burgers."
Twenty whale burgers, each priced at 380 yen ($4.50), would be sold at each of the chain's outlets from today.
from here.
Wouldn't you know...
The day before I have to give a presentation in front of hundreds of people at work, I catch a cold, leaving my throat to congeal with phlegm and slowly constricting my voice.
Yay for cold, wet weather. The little weather chick on the side of my blog says 9 degrees C.
And it's 4 pm.
June 22, 2005
Check out the Ears on that Babe!
What is it with fantasy artists and elven chicks? They always get excited while drawing their ears....
Observe!
I mean, seriously, it's becoming some sort of sexual fetish.
It's probably due to the mandate that all elven babes must be overly svelte and in need of a good hamburger. As a result, you can't exaggerate the chest to overly pneumatic proportions which leaves bumping up the ears.
(And anyone notice that in computer games, male elves sound gay, while the females sound like over-medicated hookers?)
Death by Boredom
Dull, pointless meetings are such a drag.
I seem to be attending a lot of them lately at work, so I usually spend my time sitting there with a blank look, letting my mind wander.
One particular meeting there was a guy sitting next to me with hairy knuckles. Now, I'm not just talking about a little bit of down, like most people. This guy had full on black tufty bushes growing out of the top of his fingers.
The meeting itself didn't go very far, as you can always tell with a meeting that overuses a term (let's say "emoulmentating"), until you get to the very end, three hours later, when someone asks...
"Just what does emoulmentating mean?"
And you get a table of blank stares followed by, "We're not here to go over definitions, alright?"
Free-ky.
Sock it to me.
PEOPLE find it easier to have an orgasm when they are wearing socks in bed, surprised Dutch scientists have discovered.
Hmm... the article doesn't mention WHERE to wear the sock.
Interesting.
Yet another pointless test
You are a Playboy. You perv.
What kind of Sixties Person are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
June 21, 2005
I Luv Ewe
Man caught having sex with sheep
A COBBLER suspected of sorcery was attacked and nearly lynched by outraged villagers in central Kenya today after being caught having sex with a female sheep, witnesses and officials said.
Joshua Kiplagat, 36, sustained a serious head wound when the sheep's owner threw a machete at him after finding him in flagrante delicto with a prize ewe in the Rift Valley district of Bomet, they said.
He was then tied to a tree stump for five hours before being frogmarched naked with the violated ovine in tow to a police station where he confessed to several acts of bestiality that he blamed on the devil, they said.
"I was sent by the devil to do that," Kiplagat told the angry crowd which included several people who accused him of being a warlock.
"Why did you fuck that sheep?"
"Uh...well...you see...Satan made me do it!"
"Oh, that's alright then."
One woman claimed to have seen him engaging in sex acts with a dog.
"I saw this man mounting a dog two weeks ago at around seven in the evening and I was so surprised," said the woman, who gave her name as Leah.
Hopefully after having already seen him doing a dog, you weren't surprised at the sheep lovin'.
But don't worry, it's all good:
The bloodied shoe repairer adamantly denied allegations that he was a wizard and insisted that his affection for animals was limited to sheep.
"I only made love to the ewe twice using two condoms but I never do it regularly," he said in his defence.
Well, that makes it perfectly acceptable.
Lonely are the Brave
It must be fun running a weblog on this free Chinese provider:
Microsoft's new Chinese internet portal has banned the words "democracy" and "freedom" from parts of its website in an apparent effort to avoid offending Beijing's political censors.
Users of the joint-venture portal, formally launched last month, have been blocked from using a range of potentially sensitive words to label personal websites they create using its free online blog service, MSN Spaces.
Attempts to input words in Chinese such as "democracy" prompted an error message from the site: "This item contains forbidden speech. Please delete the forbidden speech from this item." Other phrases banned included the Chinese for "demonstration", "democratic movement"and "Taiwan independence".
It was possible to enter such words within blogs created using MSN Spaces, but the move to block them from the more visible section of the site highlights the willingness of some foreign internet companies to tailor their services to avoid upseting China's Communist government.
I don't know what's more pathetic - a government so petrified of its own people that it has to censor WORDS, or the famous multinational company that's meekly acquiesing in said censorship.
*grunt* Off!
Grunters not welcome at Wimbledon
GRUNTING noises made by female tennis players as they strike the ball are getting out of hand, and rules should be changed to crack down on the practice, Wimbledon referee Alan Mills has said, according to a report Sunday.
Mills, Wimbledon's chief official for 22 years who retires after this week's tournament, which begins on Monday, told The Sunday Times he believed coaches were teaching young women players to grunt.
"I don't like it at all. Today there is probably more grunting than there has ever been," he said.
It's always weird how Tennis parades these hot babes in front of you, and then gets them to grunt like mating Neanderthals.
Update: I've been emailed by someone known as "Woody" to be told that he finds this a turn-on.
Sicko.
No need for infinite monkeys, just get one
Chimp paintings outsell Warhol
Congo's works went under the hammer today in a sale that included works by French impressionist Pierre-Auguste Renoir, French cubist Fernand Leger and US pop artist Andy Warhol.
The Warhol paintings failed to sell.
Presale estimates had put their price at between £600 and £800 ($1400 and $1900).
The buyer, Howard Hong, said he was a great fan of modern and contemporary painting.
Celebrate the Love
Well, this makes about as much sense as any other aspect of Michael Jackson.
A NOVEL range of memorabilia celebrating Michael Jackson's acquittal on child sex charges has popped up on the internet: slices of toast bearing the embattled superstar's spectral image.
Fans toasting a jury's decision to find the "King of Pop" not guilty say the grilled bread, which is going for up to $US300 ($387) per slice, magically popped out of their toasters at the exact moment Jackson was acquitted a week ago.
"This is a wonderful memento of this historic day that you will cherish for years to come," boasted one seller on the eBay online auction site.
"As I watched the jury's verdict being announced on June 13, 2005, my toast popped up just as Michael was acquitted!," said another enterprising seller trying to cash in on Jackson's vindication on all charges against him.
Urban Renewal
J F Beck shows us Mugabe's version of "cleaning up the neighbourhood", with this delightful comparison pic.
Say what you will about European imperialists: it took them a hell of a lot longer to fuck up Africa then its taking the Africans.
Yeah, you're breaking my heart, dickhead
One day you're gassing Kurds, the next you're rotting in jail. It really makes you think.
SADDAM Hussein likes Doritos, washes his hands compulsively and thinks fondly of the late US President Ronald Reagan, according to American soldiers who guarded him and tell their story in the July issue of GQ magazine.
Oh, we all like Doritos. But methinks the hand-washing shtick is probably just like Lady Macbeth's, but with more blood on the hands.
A lot more.
Anyway, he seems to be taking to prison life like a charm:
He likes Doritos, which he would eat by sprinkling drops of water into the chips' bag beforehand, the soldiers said.
Soggy Doritos?
Weirdo.
He requested a pingpong table but was refused, they said.
Poor Baby.
He would offer them advice on women, they said.
"He was like, 'You gotta find a good woman. Not too smart, not too dumb. Not too old, not too young. In the middle. One that can cook and clean.
...here it comes
Then you thank her, and you go...' - and Saddam smiled and made the gesture of bending a woman over and spanking her, as if to say, "This is how you keep her in line," one soldier said
Yeah, but you also got to put them under house arrest, maybe execute their brother, or, if they are unavailable, just convince their husbands to divorce them so you can get in on the action.
Smooooth.
Still, you gotta make sure your daughters' husbands treat 'em right. If they run away, what to do? Just tell them to come back, and promise you won't hurt them.
June 20, 2005
Our Cricket Team doesn't just play Cricket, you know
AUSTRALIAN cricket has endured its darkest day, with two scandals hitting the national side a few hours after it suffered one of its worst defeats on record.
Oh boo-hoo! Not like you can blame anyone else for this:
Last night, Andrew Symonds was slapped with a two-match ban after being dumped for turning up to the match drunk following a night out with teammates.
And Shane Warne has yet again become embroiled in another sex scandal, with claims of a night of passion with a 25-year-old woman in London.
You look at Shane Warne, and do you really think - Man, he's sexy? Observe:
Under a banner headline saying "Shane's shame", the front page said: "Married Aussie cricket ace begged me for sex ... it was OWZAT! in seconds", allegedly quoting Ms Sayers.
Ouch!
She claimed that at first she thought Warne was a creep and refused to have sex with him, but they later had "quick sex".
Well, she's a dear old love, ain't she?
Hmm...didn't see that happening
Heard on the ever-reliable Grafton grapevine that an old High School compadre (pictured left) is engaged to, and I quote, a "nice girl". (not pictured).
I must admit to being surprised, especially after that unfortunate remark he made in Maths class years ago.
Yeah, I know. Cruel and all.
Ok, Ok.
Congrats.
Unfortunate Headline
From the Tassie Mercury:
Hmm, now that's an image.
June 19, 2005
Well, no more drinks before bedtime, I think
Had an absolutely bizarre dream last night. Can't remember all of it, but there was a portion of it where I seemed to be a Maharajah.
Then it morphed into some kind of weird car chase, where we were being pursued by atomic mutants.
Of course, for reasons yet to be understood, I was in the car with Doogie Howser.
Probably the sign I've finally cracked.
It's practically balmy...
As you can see by the thingy on the side, in Canberra today at about 1 pm it was a beautifully mild 8 degrees C, with rain.
Yay.
(Stealth edit: Realised "Balmly" wasn't a word, except for something I made up - pertaining to balm or something? Whatever.)
I guess I shouldn't have laughed about it
Oh, ha, ha, ha...
Ponting braces for backlash
AUSTRALIAN cricket has sunk to a new low in arguably the greatest upset in the sport's history, losing to Bangladesh in a one-day match in Cardiff
Gotta love that picture of Ponting, though.
Poor widdle fing.
June 18, 2005
CAT BLOGGING XI
I've got nothing interesting to say, so:
Have a good weekend everyone, just like this guy seems to be.
June 17, 2005
Cripple Stuffs his Body...Again
Well, who didn't see this coming?
Joey injures neck again
NEWS that Newcastle had finally snared a major naming rights sponsor was today tempered by fears that star halfback Andrew Johns could again be lost to a serious injury.
Stop this madness...
You know, movie stars certainly never rush into things, eh?
HOLLYWOOD stars Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes are engaged to be married after Cruise proposed in the city of romance, Paris.
Rumours of wedding bells have been swirling for weeks after the couple went public with their relationship.
Cruise's willingness to discuss the relationship openly had even led to speculation that it was a stunt to promote two big-budget movies the actors are starring in this year.
Cruise, 42, was in Paris to promote his latest blockbuster War of the Worlds, while Holmes, 26, has been travelling the globe for her Batman Begins.
Advertisement:
Speaking at a news conference, Cruise said he had popped the question at the Eiffel Tower.
Girl Spiritually Cleansed
Oh, while I'm posting terrible news articles:
THREE people, one a tantric, have been charged with murder after pouring boiling oil over a four-and-a-half-year-old girl before beheading her as part of a religious sacrifice.
The tantric, or person who practises black magic, and two accomplices were arrested on Wednesday in the town of Muzaffarnagar in India's northern Uttar Pradesh state, the Press Trust of India said, quoting police.
The body of the girl, named Surjo, had been found in a field the previous day, the agency reported.
A police spokesman said she had been "beheaded, her fingers cut off and her hair burnt to a cinder".
The accused had apparently poured boiling oil on the girl before beheading and mutilating her, the spokesman said.
Police were looking for a woman who handed over the girl to the tantric after he told her to sacrifice a child to be cleansed spiritually.
The relationship between the girl and the woman was uncertain, the police spokesman said.
Remind me never to visit India.
Here's some sick shit
Oh, this is rather distasteful, to say the least.
Children are being trafficked into the UK from Africa and used for human sacrifices, a confidential report for the Metropolitan Police suggests.
Children are being beaten and even murdered after being labelled as witches by pastors, the report leaked to BBC Radio 4's Today programme said.
Police face a "wall of silence" in investigations because of fear and mistrust among the groups involved.
It follows the case of a girl tortured by her guardians for being a witch.
Three people, including the girl's aunt, were convicted of trying to "beat the devil out of" the un-named 10-year-old - originally from Angola.
The report was commissioned by the Met after the death of Victoria Climbie in February 2000 and because of concerns over so-called faith crimes.
Mmmm...the wonders of multiculturalism.
As RWDB says:
I'd like to believe this isn't true but I'm afraid it is.
Amen.
Mirls?
Ambiguous gender isn't just for Goths anymore!
A NEW breed of ultra-feminine straight men has arrived that make the metrosexual look like a rugged caveman.
Variously called "mirls" - male girls - or "hermaphrodudes", they're not afraid to carry a manbag, wear feminine jewellery, spend a fortune on fashion or work in traditionally female jobs.
Weehee.
June 16, 2005
Crush, Kill, Destroy!
It finally happened.
They've turned on us!
A COSTLY British art project involving moving litter bins and benches was shut down within hours after an embarrassing series of smash-ups.
The £110,000 ($261,000) display in Cambridge, eastern England, was meant to see the robotic solar-powered bins keep roaming outside the Junction music venue in the city, The Daily Telegraph reported.
But despite being fitted with sensors designed to prevent crashes, the bins and benches lasted just three hours before being recaptured after running amok and repeatedly slamming into everything in the vicinity.
"On the launch day they were showing signs of some anti-social behaviour and kept on being intimate with the bike racks and with each other," said Gordon Glass, spokesman for the Junction.
"The artists felt there was no other option but to take them away."
What a good use of (if I may make a presumption) taxpayers' money.
June 15, 2005
Why crazy old dudes start their own religions...
Leader kissed girl chosen to create new nation: court told
A self-styled religious leader passionately kissed a 15-year-old girl whom he told had been divinely chosen as one of his many queens to spawn a new nation, a Sydney court was told today.
It's never an ugly girl that gets divinely chosen, don't you know?
Cats - Mind Control is our speciality
EvilPundit directs everyone's attention to this article: "Dangerrr: cats could alter your personality."
Including this choice bit:
Infected men, suggests one new study, tend to become more aggressive, scruffy, antisocial and are less attractive. Women, on the other hand, appear to exhibit the “sex kitten” effect, becoming less trustworthy, more desirable, fun- loving and possibly more promiscuous.
Oh, I love the next bit:
Interestingly, for those who draw glib conclusions about national stereotypes, the number of people infected in France is much higher than in the UK.
Heh.
You'll pry it from my cold dead hands, you bastards...
Not content with fucking over everything else, the UN now wants to fuck the Internet.
A World Bureaucracy. Great.
Excuse me if I sound a little sad.
June 14, 2005
Sick, but hilarious
Marvel at one of the most offensive comics ever.
from Marty
Quote:
Reading this comic is like stealing from a blind orphan. You know it's wrong, but it feels so good.
Smarter than your Average Bear
| Your IQ Is 120 |
 |
Who is Bat....man?
Check of J Pinkerton's batman analysis.
I especially like his examples of the "ultra-realistic noir feeling" the fans believe the series started with:
Giggle.
Additionally: Superman is a dick.
(from Really?)
Billboards We'd Like to See
..and there's many more here.
Pivotal Event
Jacko has got off and whoever runs the website has certainly decided that, well, we're off and modesty be damned!
The website opens solemnly with the word "Innocent" displayed in black and white as triumphal orchestral music plays.
Then an image of a hand flashing the "V" for victory sign pops up, before dissolving into a montage of photos of Jackson and fans as the phrases "vindication", "victory" and "The truth runs marathons," scroll across the screen.
A pop chorus swells as the images move and the site shows a series of significant dates, including the birth of US civil rights leader Martin Luther King Junior; the fall of the Berlin Wall, which is associated with the end of communism; and the release of Mandela from prison.
Yep. The trial of bizarre pop star is right up there with all those other world shaking events.
Yeah, whatever.
Now Michael can go out and look for the real paedophile!
A Worthy Cause
JUST when it seemed publicity stunts could get no more ridiculous than the "Corby case" luggage line, along comes a website that capitalises on a celebrity coupling which sceptics believe is a sham itself.
In the same unlikely vein as the Free Schapelle movement, the Free Katie campaign is spearheading the effort to save film starlet Katie Holmes from the "forces" of Tom Cruise.
Its website - www.freekatie.net - cites its goal as being "to liberate Katie [Holmes], a young, gifted, actress held captive by forces we may never understand".
"Even one summer of captivity is too long for one so bright," it says.
So, in a bid to promote its cause (or a shameless grab for profits - you be the judge), the site is selling its T-shirts, caps, buttons and other tidbits sporting the "Free Katie" logo.
Lemme just say, that that photo is scary enough.
As is this one:
I love celebrities. They make you feel so much better about your own dysfunctional life.
(Hey, Tom, I guess that makes me a body Thetan!)
(from here).
June 13, 2005
How Anti-Climactic
 | You scored as Posion. Your death will be by poison, probably because you are a glutton and are around so many people that it would be easy to get away with it.
How Will You Die?? created with QuizFarm.com |
June 12, 2005
Southern Fried Bird
Continuing in this vein, here's my tribute to the effort by Manly on the weekend.
Sorry, but you guys deserve it.
So only now its toxic?
Remember that line that TV used to have? Apparently its been crossed!
BIG Brother has been slammed as "toxic TV" after two housemates appeared to have sex in a bath at the series compound on the Gold Coast early yesterday.
After five seasons of the high-rating Channel 10 program, country boy Glenn, 21, and Gold Coast promotions assistant Michelle, 25, were reported to be the first couple to have sex in the house at Dreamworld.
"In the early hours of Saturday morning, it looks like Glenn and Michelle took their relationship to another level," said David Brown, a spokesman for production company Endemol Southern Star.
Angry family groups and community leaders immediately called on parents and children to boycott the show.
It was "toxic" tv quite a good while before this incident, let me tell you. I mean, really, grab the dumbest group of Australians you can find, put them in a house together, and ply them with alcohol.
Actually, I'm surprised they haven't killed each other.
Now that's an idea for a reality TV show!
June 11, 2005
A picture is worth a thousand words
I don't even want to know where the picture attached to this wikipedia article was obtained from.
Irony - sorta like goldy or bronzey?
File this under "Daftest comment eva!!!111"
(wah-waaaaah)
This is for Brett Kimmorley.
Somewhere, the world's smallest violin is playing a sad song, just for you guys.
NOO!!!!!!!!!!!
Record companies in bidding war to bring Crazy Frog Down Under
June 10, 2005
Our very own Grauniad
Professor Bunyip looks at the rather strange plot to turn the Age into the "Guardian on the Yarra".
We might soon need our own version of this guy, then.
You look like a dick
This may sound insensitive of other cultures, but why is it when gullible Western males join a fundamentalist offshoot of Islam, why WHY do they grow such awful fucking beards?
I mean, look at it!
It's as if some weird fungus is growing on his chin, and it gives the impression that he's incredibly jowly.
Oh, and I love this bit of the article:
But Khazal's counsel, Murugan Thangarajm, said during the hearing that the book was only about terrorism and his client did not instruct people to commit terrorist acts.
Yeah well, whatever mate.
Update: Apparently the book warns Jihadists against villainous cake-throwing heathens.
June 09, 2005
Put 'em out of his misery...
Oh, great, they're bringing back this old hack for Origin.
What's the point? He'll probably just do in his hipbone or something like that.
Bah!
League players should be like racehorses, when they're too old they should be put out to stud or sent off to the glue factory.
What's the deal with...
..with Indian men and moustaches?
I mean, I went to three separate meetings at work and there was a different guy of Indian descent at each, each sporting a bit of upper-lip hair.
I've never really been a fan of the 'stache. Mostly the guy wearing it looks like an out of work porn star.
Maybe its different in India. Do nubile young Indian hotties queue up to make out with moustachioed gents? I need to find answers...
Disney cracks me up
I mean, Seriously.
TEEN actress Lindsay Lohan is having some digital surgery on her cleavage after Disney executives judged her bosom a little too ample for the family-friendly movie Herbie: Fully Loaded, according to the movie website imdb.com.
C'mon, not like kids haven't seen breasts before.
I mean, seriously, it's pretty much ALL you can see for the first weeks of your life.
He looks like a respectable immigrant
What a lovely specimen this guy is.
They took his bloody chainsaw, and sent him on his way. Man on run from law, spattered with blood, allowed to enter U.S.
Cool.
Maybe he could run for President - hey, this guy did.
Finally! A reason to look at porn.
You don't have to feel guilty anymore.
Looking at pornographic images of men and women together can increase the quality of a man's sperm, a new study suggests.
Aha!
Pornography involving a woman alone or multiple women doesn't have the same effect.
Dang.
(Note: This article doesn't mention the benefits of being a peeping tom or professional voyeur, but one would imagine they are the same. Well, except for the fact you'd probably get beaten up...)
I hate stupid morons.
I've been asked, "Why do you do a half-arsed attempt at posing under the name Quentin George rather than your real name?"
Well, unfortunately my name seems to be shared with some especially stupid specimens.
Here's someone's encounter with such a cretin:
(Note the "Me" here isn't 'me', nor is the "Aidan". Capice?)
Aidan: So what were you doing before I called?
Me: I was reading the news.
A: Why would you do that?
Me: What do you mean?
A: It's easier to watch it on TV. The TV people read it out to you.
Other pieces of his wisdom can be seen at the link, including the relocation of the Beatles to Eire and a confused definition of the word "homosexual".
A: I support homosexuals.
Me: Huh???
A: Yes, because I'm one too, so I try to help them.
Me: Right. You like other men?
A: (shocked) Why would you say that??
Why indeed.
Let's hope he's the end of his evolutionary line, huh? Maybe we can organise to award him one of these.
That's a relief.
Guys, we're off the hook.
British scientists say they have established a link between genetics and a woman's ability to experience orgasm, striking a blow at those who pin the blame for female sexual dysfunction on social or cultural factors.
One might question why the British are qualified to research this area, but let us continue:
Breaking new ground, British researchers questioned more than 3,500 adult female twins who had enrolled in a major study to explore heredity and the environment.
Twins, eh?
Urgh...this reminds of that scourge of the Internet: twincest.
(Short version: Yes, it's what it sounds like).
The results found that, overall, nearly one in three (32 per cent) of the respondents said they never or rarely reached orgasm during intercourse, and 21 per cent were still unable to reach orgasm, or rarely, during masturbation.
Ouch!
June 08, 2005
Inside every Anime Fan is a dirty old man trying to get out
Let me present Madman's tribute to Fanservice in anime.
And here's a whole gallery of the stuff.
I don't know about Anime (and its illegitimate child Hentai), it just seems an awful close to paedophilia, what with its weird fetishisation of cartoon characters resembling sexualised young girls and all the Tentacle Sex.
A friend who is a fan of aforementioned anime actually told me how great it was that anime was "handling the issues Western animation wouldn't touch."
Of course, the issue in question was incest.
Well, I'm glad we have animation dealing with that issue. I was worried for a second!
(Bracing for hatemail from Anime fans - Please don't hurt me!)
June 07, 2005
Daddy, what does "Mushroom Stamp" mean?
Well, this is a good example.
Outside of porn movies, I don't think anyone enjoys it.
I could be wrong, however.
When Dickheads Attack!
The Watcher shows what happens when dicks who know nothing about sport or middle-eastern politics try to combine the two.
June 06, 2005
Holy Shirt!
Sick of those Che' shirts?
Here's a better communism-themed shirt.
(Shamlessly stolen from Blithering Bunny.
Bombs Away?
There is a stench of political death surrounding federal Labor's leadership.
Ouch!
Oh, come on Glenn, not like dead leadership has ever worried the ALP.
Stupid = Me
Panicked like a headless chook today because I thought I'd lost my wallet.
Found it eventually - it wasn't lost, just under some clothes.
University educated, my friend...
June 05, 2005
EUTOPIA
Here's a good article on the recent fracas with the EU constitution:
I can't believe the EU President, Jean-Claude Juncker, actually had a little cry when he heard the result.
How fucking hilarious is that?
Jean-Claude, I believe the phrase you are looking for is:
"The People have spoken, the bastards."
Disappointing
| You Are 25 Years Old |
|
13-19: You are a teenager at heart. You question authority and are still trying to find your place in this world. 20-29: You are a twentysomething at heart. You feel excited about what's to come... love, work, and new experiences. 30-39: You are a thirtysomething at heart. You've had a taste of success and true love, but you want more! 40+: You are a mature adult. You've been through most of the ups and downs of life already. Now you get to sit back and relax. |
I was hoping I was a cranky, bitter old man.
Weirdness
I've got nothing to say about the article to which this is attached, but the picture still creeps me out.
Alright, you've made my list!
Added to the Blogroll
Jay Pinkerton- Since I keep linking to him, and damn well might as well have a permanent link.
Would you like a shmoke and a pancake? - Well, who wouldn't? But this one gets a gong purely because the author's smokin' hot pic puts my squinty, semitic Jewish-lookin' face at the top to shame!
RWDB- This guy snared the coveted "RightWingDeathBeast" name at blogspot. As far as I'm aware, "DirtyPinkoCommie" is still available, so 'op to it.
CAT BLOGGING IX
Bit late, but I couldn't resist:
Was Samurai Pizza Cats one of the best cartoons EVA?!!?!?
Probably.
Jordan = Smokin' Hot
Not this Jordan, but this Jordan.
As in "Queen of".
Shock Report: People spend money on things they are not supposed to!
Oh no! That's never happened before!
Get real. That's the nature of welfare. The unemployed spend the dole on booze and smokes; single parents spend their allowance on shoes; pensioners put their pension through the pokies; and students spend their Youth Allowance on Magic the Gathering Cards.
I've actually known someone who did the last of those, but then again, I've known someone who spent a years worth of rent money on Spiderman comics.
Be Careful where you go, mate
You can't just take a leak, anywhere, you know. In the story about eeeevil guards mistreating some book we hear:
In one incident, which took place in March, Southern Command said a guard left his post and urinated near an air vent and "the wind blew his urine through the vent" and into a cell block.
It said a detainee told guards the urine "splashed on him and his Koran".
Obviously this guy never went to uni. I once knew someone who had a very unusual method of waking people, up, let me tell you.
Ah-huh.
Don't worry, God only really hates people that piss against a wall.
Don't believe me? Read any of the following biblical passages: 1 Sam.25:22, 25:34; 1 Kings.14:10, 16:11, 21:21; 2 Kings.9:8.
As Mark Twain said in Letters from Earth:
"A person could piss against a tree, he could piss on his mother, he could piss on his own breeches, and get off, but he must not piss against the wall -- that would be going quite too far. The origin of the divine prejudice against this humble crime is not stated; but we know that the prejudice was very strong -- so strong that nothing but a wholesale massacre of the people inhabiting the region where the wall was defiled could satisfy the Deity."
Consider yourself warned!
Update: Move over Piss Christ, hello Piss Koran!
I am a lazy piece of shit!
Yes, yes, I know I'm turning into a gimp with this blog! God damn, I'm nearly as bad as my brother in my slackness.
I blame it on my job. Darn career, rule my life, will you?
I will be better, I promise.
Maybe I could be like this woman.
Diana's kidney 'lives within me'
A 38-year-old French woman who started using English phrases in conversation after a kidney transplant claims her donor was Princess Diana.
Francoise Gaellar, a secretary at the primary school in the small village of Espira de l'Agly, had a kidney transplant in September 1997, two days after Princess Diana was killed in a car crash in Paris.
No mention of whether the bulimia and weird neuroses were part of the package.